Even before becoming “Mama” to my little boys, Mother’s Day has always been a very important day for me. My mother created a very magical and loving childhood for me so taking a day to celebrate her is a day well spent. Spring afternoons crawling through a maze of wired tunnels she built for me throughout her gardens in our backyard. Summer nights on Nantucket Island spent laying on the hood of the car watching the stars overtop Brant Point lighthouse. Trekking up and down the slopes of Virginia’s apple orchards in search of perfectly crisp Braeburns in the Fall, and snuggled up together by the fire on cold Winter nights. So many of my most treasured memories growing up happened because she made them for me. Even now as an (almost) adult, she continues to guide and support me, except now she isn’t teaching me how to bake my clay sculptures in the toaster oven or how to set the table, but more so how to support and guide my own children.
To be honest, I don’t know that I ever recognized much of my mom in me until becoming a mother myself. I think perhaps because I now understand how she ticked and can feel it in a way that I couldn’t have before. What’s more is now that I have been blessed with the privilege of motherhood I so much more recognize and appreciate the hard work and devotion that goes into raising children. Beyond just seeing it, I find myself desperately trying to emulate that same level of love and create a childhood for my boys that is as nurturing and extraordinary as my own was.
Mother’s Day this year marks my third time celebrating the day as a mother myself, and with another year of motherhood under my belt I wanted to share some things I’ve learned along the way. My duo has now fully entered toddlerhood, and while this certainly can be a very trying age to handle, it’s also breathtakingly joyful when you go at it in the right mindset.
First off, let me begin by saying I’m very reluctant to offer actual parental advice because I believe all families are different and there isn’t always a one-size-fits-all solution to every problem. That said, I’ve learned a lot in my mom-community to know that there are some pretty common themes with toddlers, so I’m merely sharing reflections on tools that have helped me time and again with my kids.
I’ve often heard people say newborn babies are hardest to love when they need love the most. I think this same adage applies just as much to toddlers, or perhaps more so as they can now understand you quite well but defy you all the same. Newborns come with sleep deprivation, toddlers come with frustration, all the same each new stage brings with it different issues and challenges but also the sweetest most precious moments. I remember when my boys were only a few months old and people kept telling me not to worry because soon I wouldn’t even remember the first six months, but I actually felt quite sad about that prospect. Of course it was not easy taking care of two newborns at once and extremely challenging in every possible way, but at the same time I knew how precious those moments were even in my severely worn down state I didn’t want to forget a second of it- the good and the bad. I think that mentality has really helped me to stay positive on those hard days when either one or both of the boys are giving me a hard time because through absorbing these moments I’ve been able to learn from them and improve my own behavior and parental instincts.
Toddlers are sponges, and the older they get the more important it is to be mindful of your own demeanor. They are constantly watching, absorbing, and replicating everything that you do which can be really good, but also not so great at times. If you ever watched Caesar Milan’s The Dog Whisperer, you know that in every case he handled the dog was never the issue, it was always the owner. I think this may also often be the case with toddlers and their parents. I’ve heard it from my friends and seen it time and again with my own kids. I never would have known that I repeatedly used the phrase “no way” until one of my boys also began saying it to me on a regular basis. There’s nothing like when you ask your two year old if he’s done with his breakfast and him quickly quipping back “no way!” to get you to take a hard look at every word coming out of your mouth.
If you have a reoccurring issue with your toddler think very hard on everything you (or your partner) do or say in similar scenarios to see if your child’s actions may be a reflection of your own. The first couple of times this happened to me I felt guilty for being the cause of the problem, but I learned that in actuality this is the best case scenario because you’ve identified the root of the problem and can quickly remedy it by ceasing the behavior and demonstrating the correct way for your child to act. Depending on the extent of the behavior, it might take a bit of time for them to make the adjustment, but if you stick with it you’ll get there.
The last, and perhaps most important thought I’ll leave you with is about expectations as a parent. It’s human nature to set expectations for pretty much everything in life, and as one of life’s most major events, parenthood is easy to prop up. You read the baby books, make a plan for the type of parent you’ll be and how the family will function, but the truth is a harmonious family life is much more easily said than done. It’s easy to set expectations when you’re expecting, but once you’re in the trenches you quickly realize what is realistic and what’s idealistic. All of a sudden kids enter the picture and time and sleep becoming the most valuable commodity in the household. So many things you want to do, and there never seems to be enough time to make it all work.
If you let it, parenthood can become a never ending cycle of feeling guilty, inadequate, and constantly measuring yourself up to others or some idealistic picture in your mind. The key to finding peace as a parent for me has been letting go of expectations. This might sound depressing, but in actuality it really just allows you to be more kind to yourself, enjoy the moments as they are, and enjoy life’s simple pleasures. Letting go of the small things, especially those you don’t have control of, or else you’ll be so consumed in how you wish everything could be you’ll miss out on all the good that is already right in front of you.
Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Set realistic, achievable expectations for you and your family and have a regular daily schedule and a routine. In the end, always be sure to take care of yourself. Life is so hectic and chaotic at times, especially with all the moving pieces in a family, it’s important to keep your battery fine tuned and charged so you can make it through each day with stamina and grace.
On a lighter note in the sartorial direction, I wanted to touch on one of my favorite pieces for spring and summer that’s perfect for picnics, brunches, bike riding, or bopping around with the kids.
Although I love a good midi skirt or short floral wrap dress, as a mom short hem-lines don’t always accommodate my very active lifestyle of playing, climbing, jumping, and chasing after two toddlers. Motherhood doesn’t neccesarily elicit more modest attire simply for the sake of it, but because when you have kids in tow you really have to be ready for anything. A casual morning stroll can turn into sprinting 20 yards to catch your toddler before he makes it to the stop sign without you or leaping up a flight of stairs on the jungle gym to stop your baby from crawling over the edge Moreover than all the mishaps, I really just love rolling around and playing with my boys and rompers are perfect for meeting my functionality needs but also giving some feminine frills to my look.
During the spring and summer I tend to dress more feminine, which means I’m always down for dainty summer dresses with feminine detailing. I had been on the hunt for a Realisation Par-esque dress, but I knew I wasn’t going to get much wear out of such a short dress, and then voila came this romper. The perfect solution for rocking a shorter hemline without constantly being concerned about covering up. I’ve actually always really loved skorts for this same reason, so I am really thrilled that there are so many fantastic rompers, or playsuits as I like to call them, available right now.
My best tip of advice for creating the illusion of a romper that looks like a dress is to size up to get that flowing dress effect. To the same end, I prefer rompers that have either a cinch or wrap tie around the waist to keep definition around your curves.
This navy polka dot number is sold out, but I’ve done a bit of shopping around to leave you some other really lovely options that are available now.
